Finding Hope Blog – The Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation

We are very proud of this young lady! Tammy Evans, a Run Director, tell us about who she’s running for…her mom.

It was a beautiful sunny day, a perfect day to go over to Sobeys and grab some groceries for the barbeque we were having that night. Sitting in the parking lot was this large bright pink bus, with a group of people standing around it. On our way out of the store we stopped in the bus to take a look around, and see what all the commotion was about. It was the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation Tour for the Cure Bus. After touring the bus they had asked my mother about her regular mammograms which she had skipped the last few years. They continued to talk and we went on our way back home. The next day she called and booked herself in for her mammogram, which she had a few weeks later.  We went on with our normal lives, not thinking much about her past mammogram. In the middle of June, a call had come through from her family doctor, which we thought was for her back surgery, which she was doing everything to avoid. She told me to call them back which I did; I can honestly say I regret making that phone call myself.

When I  called her doctors back, the secretary had told me they found a lump in my mother’s right breast and that they had to do further tests in order to determine if it was cancerous. The phone dropped out of my hand and I immediately started to cry. I’ve never had to deal with anything hard in my life, and I knew the way my mom talked about cancer… and none of it was good. I relayed the message and she was in as much shock and dismay as I was, but in hopes to cheer me up she said she was going to be fine and hugged me. The next week or more it played on my mind; I was always upset and worried about my mom. It took her no time to call my step dad who was working in Ontario and told him I needed to go up to get my mind off things. My mom has always been a really independent person and would rather deal with things like this on her own, so the trip did us both some good.  I left the end of June and she stayed down here undergoing tests. I never heard anything from her about it in a month so I thought everything was fine, but I’ve never been so wrong in my life.

It was the end of July, and I had just walked down to my cousin’s house to see my step dad who had just got off work. He walked down the driveway in tears; I’ve never seen him cry in the 14 years he’s been in my life.  He hugged me and told me in the hardest four words I’ve ever had to digest… “You’re mom has cancer”. I hugged him tight and cried until I’m sure I had no water left in my system.  I immediately called my mom, who was in tears but still trying to tell me it was okay. She’s always been my best friend and knows that when something is in my head, it will continue to bug me and make me physically ill until I know its okay.  I demanded we drive home, but it wasn’t possible until he was done work which was the middle of August. It was still July and my birthday was August 9^th. I demanded for my birthday present that I go home to my mom, but still couldn’t. Two days before my birthday we were sitting outside and things were still on my mind, it had been a few weeks and still couldn’t figure out how I was going to deal with this. As I sat there I seen a familiar vehicle pull up, it was my mom. Even dealing with her recent news she drove 24 hours in a small truck with who else but my other best friend my puppy Ciara. We stayed up and they helped me make the best of my 19^th birthday, but what they didn’t reilize was that they had given me the best gift by allowing me to be with my mother.  She told us she was booked for surgery on the 13^th of August, a mere 4 days after my birthday. On the 11^th, we all drove back home with our two vehicles to insure we were home in time for her surgery.

We arrived home, and she underwent her surgery, everything went fine. The operation may have been fine but we then received a call from her cancer doctor telling us she needed to undergo another surgery because they didn’t take enough surrounding tissue. I must now tell you that my mother is terrified of needles of any sort and has had nothing but bad luck with surgeries, and again with this operation it was more bad luck.  The operation was scheduled to be at most 45 minutes, but I had been sitting in the waiting room now for over 4 hours. It was a later operation and the day surgery department was closing. I walked over and asked firmly where my mom was and what was going on. She escorted me and my step dad upstairs where we found out my mother had trouble breathing on the operating table and that they were going to admit her.  Anyone who knows my mother will understand she is stubborn, and to top that off she’s a smoker. My step dad and I both looked at each other and laughed and told the nurse if she was staying in over night that we weren’t telling her, she was. After sitting in another waiting room for 4 hours my mom was released, thankfully, and we continued home.  To make this short and simple, she got infected. She popped out stitches, staples, and ended up with a machine on her that was supposed to close the wound.  We called the machine Renny, and it looked like a big purse. We had health nurses coming in every second day to drain her. Her regular nurse was a man named Paul, in the end they became the best of friends. This one day, he had told her she was not to get this machine off until at least after Christmas, so mom got ready to have Renny attached for a while longer. The next visit a new nurse came in and took the machine off, but we aren’t nurses we just let her do it and told Paul when he came back. Well apparently this machine wasn’t suppost to come off, and they couldn’t put it back on because it irritated mom to much when they tried. So every second day for  almost 5 months, Paul would come in and pack her wound with gauze. It was so big at the beginning you could fit your fist inside.  It took 7 months for it to heal , and for her to start chemo.

She had just started chemo the end of February, and this has been that hardest thing to deal with yet. Her first treatment she fought with the nurses about the needle, and sat there impatient to finish and go home.  When we left the cancer center we went out to a hair dressers in Glace Bay, and she got her wig and her hair shaved. Now this broke my heart… She had been so happy she had finally grew her hair long and now she had to lose it. Surprisingly it didn’t bother her, but it bothered me. I sat in the chair shaking and crying watching them shave my mom’s head. It was weeks before I could look at her without her wig on and even to this day it fills my eyes.  She’s had 4 treatments to date, the first 3 she dealt with alright, but not this 4^th one. She’s sicker then I’ve ever seen her, she can’t touch anything because her hands are so brittle and fragile, she blacks out, and even in her face you can see that she’s sick.  I don’t think it’s all because of the drugs however, I believe she’s worrying again. We were all excited that she was finishing treatment after only two more remaining, but we received news that she has another full year after these two more treatments. This broke my mothers heart, and you could see it on her face when they told her. Ever since she’s been fighting with me and my step dad telling us she isn’t getting it, but we know she will. They’ve booked her in for another surgery so that she doesn’t need to get the needle in her hand anymore, I think they’re sick of fighting with her (ha-ha).

Now during this time I never mention what I’ve been doing. She had her second operation in September, which was when I started my first year of university. As I mentioned earlier when something bugs me it stays on my mind. I made 80’s and 90’s in High School, and failed every one of my courses in University.  I’ve never failed any subject in school which made me disappointed in myself even under the circumstances. I ended up on anti-depressants, and ended up passing two courses the next semester. I only took two courses so I could stay home more and take care of my mom while my step dad worked. In September I registered to volunteer for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run For The Cure, in hopes that being around survivors and families of survivors that it would brighten my spirits. It was the best decision I ever made. I only made bagels but I got time to talk to people and find out about why they are running. Before I left the run site, I got my mom a survivor t-shirt and took it home to her. She looked at me, kind of mad and said “I’m not a survivor”, but I looked her deep in her eyes and said “Not yet, but you will be”. After that day I knew I had to get involved further so I contacted the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation where I got in contact with Sherri Robbins.  I wanted to be on the committee, help out any way I can. I got offered the role as Run Director, and proudly took it. I’m now the co-Run Director in Sydney and my mom proudly tells everyone.

I’ve been through good times and bad since I found out about my mom’s breast cancer, but all of it has changed my life in such a great way. Those two courses I passed I wrote papers in and made high 90’s on both and passed with fantastic marks. The bond between my mother and I, has grown bigger then I ever thought it could. My step dad has stayed home and found work in the area to be around for my mom and me.  I’ve found out who I am, and what I want out of life, and I just recently put a team together called “Sally’s Angels” full of friends and family who are going to be at the run on October  3^rd, 2010 running for my mom.  My family and friends have been amazing, but I’ve also met a lot of fantastic people in Toronto from run director training, and a lot of people on my journey as co-run director in Sydney. These people have given me a new hope, a new understanding , and a new outlook on my mothers battle with cancer. So what’s next? I’ll continue to be my mother’s right hand, and help her through the rest of the chemo, and radiation. Without the love from my mother herself, there is no way I would have made it through this. For her strength, her love, and her perseverance through such a hard time, she is and forever will be my best friend, my mother, and my hero.