Where does one begin when fear overtakes logic? What is it about the word ‘cancer’ that invokes such negative feelings? Why me? Marilyn Abram shares with us the challenging questions that can arise when facing the diagnosis of breast cancer.
I was diagnosed almost 18½ years ago with a small lump in my breast picked up by a mammogram. The doctor assured me that in 85% of the cases the lump would prove to be benign, but he recommended a lumpectomy. I went through the pre-op tests and a surgical date was arranged to extract the small lump. An appointment was made two weeks later for the diagnosis.
The day of reckoning came and I went rather confidently to the hospital feeling that nothing was out of the ordinary. When the doctor/surgeon read the pathological report he was concerned at what it revealed and wanted to go back in and check my lymph nodes.
I was in shock. I had come alone. I was so sure that the tests would be clean that I told my husband not to bother coming with me. I was alone with my thoughts. How I ever got to my husband’s office is a mystery.
Marilyn with a renewed outlook
I told him the results and he immediately called the doctor because I couldn’t remember a single word beyond there was a need to check out my lymph nodes. A date was quickly set and new tests including ultra sounds, bone scans, and all the other tests required were arranged. After another surgery and two weeks of waiting for the results, I went back to the surgeon’s office to hear the up-dated report. “Everything is fine with the lymph nodes,” he said, “but you will have to see an oncologist for radiation treatment. You have cancer.”
Was I going to die? Should I make sure all my personal affairs were up-dated? I was frightened like never before in my life. Breast cancer was a death sentence. I knew that. My best friend died after being diagnosed with breast cancer. I wanted to be as positive as possible but my thoughts kept falling into the cracks of depression. My family was supportive to the nth degree as were my close friends and co-workers. I tried to surround myself with breast cancer stories that were positive. I tried to seek out people who were “survivors” for over ten years. I wanted to live.
So my treatments began. I had 25 radiation treatments over five weeks. The next mammogram showed that the cancer was gone and I was told to come back for follow- ups every six months.
The first five years were worrisome and I hoped and prayed I would reach the five-year milestone in my life. I was very fortunate that I had the most fantastic medical team any one could have. My breast surgeon was caring, warm, sensitive and told me, “If you are concerned or worried in any way, please don’t hesitate to call for an appointment. We are here for you.” The oncologist was a “Dr. Marcus Welby” type of doctor and also caring, warm, sensitive and even gave me his personal phone number should I ever have any concerns. Trust me, there were incidents. Another lump was detected in the other breast. An ultrasound was ordered as soon as possible and it was like deja-vu. Thankfully everything was fine and the cyst was drained.
Over the years, I tried to put the incident in the back of my subconscious mind. It took a few years before I could even talk about my experience. Life was never the same. Any pain, cyst, or anything out of the ordinary always has to be checked out, no matter what. The fear never goes away.
I am fortunate that I have a great general practitioner who is aware of my history and will check out any concerns I may have. I have become more diligent of my body and my personal health and live each day, one day at a time. I focus on the positive things in life.
I have come to terms with myself. I have found that I can be a positive force because of my experience and have counseled others who found themselves with breast cancer. I tell them that they should think of life and not death. I tell them what I have done and how it has helped me and I have been told that my words have brought strength to those who found themselves lost in negative thoughts.
It’s so important to think positive. It is so important that your family understand that they think positive. It is so important that a person with breast cancer continues to live their life. Live for the day. Expect to see tomorrow. Stop and smell the roses and remember we are responsible for our own health – don’t ever forget that.
I am involved in fundraising for breast cancer. I want to give back something in appreciation to the wonderful medical team that looked after me. It was they that gave me the will to look forward to tomorrow. And I know there will be many tomorrows.
Marilyn Abram
