In Sept 2005, I was informed that I had a large, invasive and aggressive tumour in my left breast and lymph nodes. My Oncologist had broken the news to us as he sat warmly shoulder to shoulder next to me on the examining bed; in response to my husband’s question about whether we should expedite a visit from my parents, he smiled broadly, and, in his British accent said “…well, she’s not falling off the perch anytime soon!”. That statement made us laugh through our tears, and with it began my “Monty Python-esque” journey of determination, pain and fear that continues to this day.
In the last four years, through intense treatments and a slow return to my new life, I have learned SO much:
- I learned that I had few choices as I faced this challenge – but how I responded was (mostly) within my control; I could feel like a victim and wallow in self pity, or I could take it up as a challenge and face it head-on with determination and my own cynical brand of humour ; anger and a sense of “why me” that many others seem to feel were not what I wanted for myself (why NOT me?); I was determined not to feel like a victim or allow any one to treat me as such
- I learned to laugh at absolutely everything without fear; Monty Python’s “Always Look at the Bright Side of Life” sung by the condemned characters in the Life of Brian movie became my anthem, “I’m not Dead Yet” (from another Python film) became my slogan, and 10 months later, when my hair grew back after chemotherapy, I dyed it bright purple
- I learned to place all my trust and faith in science and in the competent hands of those whose job it is so save my life, one of whom is my main doctor, who happened to be in the forefront of a campaign that brought a drug into Canada that ultimately took my prognosis from “poor” to “good”
- I learned to accept all offers of help with grace and gratitude
- I also learned that I needed to accept people’s tears, pain, unsolicited advice and sympathy as well-intended, no matter how disempowered they might make me feel
I learned that I am actually the luckiest person alive to have family and friends who stood by me: there were those 60 people who lovingly created and joined a Caring for Karin team for a fundraiser on my behalf, the girlfriends who wore a t-shirt with my name on it every time I went to chemotherapy, the friend who dropped off hot pancakes at my doorstep on Sunday mornings, those who loved me, hugged me, cared for my children and the friend who offered us a generous cheque to fly my mother in from South Africa to help; I will NEVER forget any of those loving gestures as long as I live.
- I have learned not to be scared to say what I feel and think
- I learned to grab life with both hands and run with it
- I learned that aging is a blessing, not a curse
- I learned that while I don’t know if I’ll be here this time next year, I AM here now and that is all that matters
And it’s true – I am NOT dead yet. I love my life, and have taken to telling people that if not for the fear of what the future brings, I would be grateful to this disease, for giving me perspective, granting me strength and reminding me to enjoy what I have in the here and the now.
Very moving. Thank you for sharing your valuable insights.
Hi Ka, our precious daughter,
You have taught us so much in all your 43 years, as well as in the last 4. We are so proud of you as a most precious person, caring considerate, always loving, with an amazing strength to get on with things in life, no matter how difficult they are. You are so non-judgemental of everyone around you, always seeking and finding the good in everyone. This is a character trait that most people take a lifetime to learn to perfect and you have it right in you to do. You have been an amazing daughter to us, always loving and thoughtful, and inspiring us with your ability to express your feelings, and understanding ours. We want to thank Ralph, our very precious son-in-law for persuading you to put your feelings out there. Only he could do that successfully. We would like to thank all your wonderful family and friends for all that they did for you during the difficult times, while we were here in SA, watching it all unfold from far. May Hashem bless you with continued good health and a meaningful journey through life, always surrounded by loving friends and family. We love you and are so proud of you.
what an inspiration you are Karin. Proud and humbled to know you. love Debby
Thank you for making me laugh and would of loved to see your purple hair!!!! Good luck with your fundraiser. Helena
Darling Ka,
When you first came into our family, we knew we had been blessed with a special daughter, to add to our family of wonderful children. Over the years you have come to mean so much to us.
When we all received the news of your cancer four years ago, we were devastated for ourselves, for you, for Ralph and the children. How wrong we were to be so! You and Ralph are exceptional people, and you have taught us all how to handle what life gives us with faith, humour and fortitude. You taught us by the way you have behaved, the manner in which you faced everything you had to deal with,and your guidance to your children, enabling them to share your positive aura.
You are truly a shining and much-loved example to us all and I’m so fortunate to have you so “close by” both physically and emotionally.
Thank you very much for sharing. One can learn a great deal from it.
D
Karin, You are an inspiration for so many woman, and your friends in particular. You took the cancer and transformed it into a love of life, commitment to your family and to having fun.
I know you will go from strength to strength. Shanah Tovah.
Love, Lisa
Karin,
You truly are an inspiration. I am forever telling friends who have recently been diagnosed about you. Now I have a blog to send them.
May Hashem bless you with a long and happy life with your family.
love
Janice